#41 Go Getter Energy - Reflections on the Full Supermoon in Capricorn (7/5/23)
I felt a wide spectrum of emotions this past week, ranging from intense sorrow, grief, and feelings of victimization due to what I perceive the external world to have "done to me." To pride, joy, and gratitude for all of the ways I continuously have shown up for myself; so often in fact that I now have the opportunity to look around me in absolute awe and see that I am living a life that is largely of my very own creation.
More and more I am feeling like I am in the driver's seat and less like a passenger on someone else's ride. No one tells you, however, that often when you're in the driver's seat of your own life that probably means you're also feeling very lost and uncertain most of the times. That with agency comes responsibility. That conflict is a natural part of life, especially when one chooses the difficult path of embracing their authenticity and unapologetically living on one's own terms.
I am coming to realize that I never really dreamed of tangible things I wanted in my future when growing up. I contemplated on how I wanted to feel:
happy.
healthy.
safe.
loved.
On most days, if I slow down long enough to take in my life, I do feel happy, healthy, safe, and loved. It continues to take work for my nervous system to feel comfortable at a calmer state of regulation. To keep the FOMO to a minimum I often remind myself that living a peaceful life is my childhood dream come true; choosing to embrace healthier forms of adrenaline seeking to ensure I am staying true to my love of adventure.
Increasingly, for a person who intrinsically has a ton of go-getter energy coursing through their veins (thank you Mercury, Venus, and Neptune Capricorn placements...), I see how
to have a dream is wonderful,
but
to live a dream is easier
said
than
done.
How easy it is for doubt to creep in. Is this what I should be doing? Who is this for? How do I know that I am not self-abandoning and am too unconscious to realize it?
the answer is we don't always know. the truth is life throws us curveballs we could have never imagined and in an instant a new normal has dawned before the dusk has even settled to the reality we were quite literally just living an instant ago.
My Clarity this Capricorn Full Supermoon? - I can have a bad attitude at times if I am in a spiral of negative thinking patterns that is based in feelings of victimization. I need to do better at clearing my energy in the mornings and evenings to ensure I am showing up in the world how I want to, which ideally is a glass half full type of person. That doesn't mean ignoring my negative emotions, but it does mean attempting to stay grounded in my current state of consciousness with less regressions into younger, traumatized states of being. It is scary to feel at times like you can blow up your entire life from being triggered, even one time.
I have been using the Balance app for meditation for about a month now and it has been a nice way of grounding each day. I notice that I have been able to stay in the present moment more and can notice and communicate to my husband when I am in a dissociated state easier. Getting back into my meditation, journaling, and tarot practices on a more regular basis has been helping me to slow down, notice, and process my thoughts in a safe container, which allows me to let the negative feelings pass on instead of holding on to them so tightly and remaining in an activated, hyperarousal state for days on end.
I am excited to re-home a typewriter and see what new creative experiments come out of this new partnership. Already, I see how it is a totally different vibe when writing, with my words flowing without thinking like a broken faucet in the on position.
Well, that is all I've got for now. How does this post on personal development connect to the Full Supermoon in Capricorn this Cancer season?
Given that emotional growth and maturing is a lifelong process, when it comes to embracing my personal power and building healthy, long-lasting foundations, it is a worthy source of my time and energy to facilitate ways of working on my self-awareness. Often, it ends in me having more self-compassion and grace based upon a more accurate understanding of all the efforts I've already been putting in without the proper recognition from myself.
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